Monday, January 31, 2011

Black Lotus - Harvest of Seasons (2008)

Harvest of Seasons is really one of those albums I struggle to find any flaws in, but it is very easy to point out the magnificence. There is an undeniable sense of Borknagar worship woven throughout the album. The use of clean and harsh vocals, the subtle folk elements and overall sound are reminiscent to the varying sound of Borknagar.

But fuck you if you think these guys are just copy-cats who can bring nothing new to the table, because you are simply wrong. Listen and revel in the sound of Canada's hidden gem. Draped in a dreary atmosphere and coated with the natural triumph of nature. What?

(I just want to go on record here, saying Borknagar's "Universal" is easily the best song that band has ever made.)

Harvest of Seasons

Bastardator - Identify The Dead (2009)

I stumbled on this while skimming through my Circle The Wagons booklet. Fenriz usually has a "guide to must have albums!" in each CD booklet. Even though this album came out in 2009, he claims it is one of the best albums of '08, which could only mean this album is so good it is capable of time travel.

Merciless Metalpunk-Thrash with a strong glare to the 80's. As Fenriz would put it "A future classic for us fighting in the underground resistance."


Thursday, January 27, 2011

Contaigeon - Death At The Gates Of Delirium (2010)

Dudes from UK obsessing over other-worldly entity's sucking the life out of your skull, muster up an album oozing with grimy guitar tones, scummy snarling growls, and drums that don't have the over-produced plastic shit sound. Not only that, but it appears there is a demonically entranced, soul hungry, tusk-less walrus on the cover, and I think it's brilliant. 

All in all, here we have some forward-thinking, demonically possessed tusk-less walrus Death Metal. Enjoy it. Or not.

Negative Plane - Stained Glass Revelations (2011)

Yet another phenomenal release in early 2011 comes Stained Glass Revelations, paying homage to all the classics; Mayhem, Venom, Mercyful Fate, Pentagram, Hellhammer. This is only their second full length and yet they are among the beating force of USBM, and for good reason.

It sounds like the album was recorded with a Fisher-Price microphone inside a stingy dampened cavern, feeding the obscurity of the composition. It's very eccentric and ominous in sound and yet it remains quite memorable. 2011 is looking good so far.

Stained Glass Revelations

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Mithotyn - Gathered Around The Oaken Table (1999)

Interestingly enough I have found out that Sweden is third for views on this blog. Why is this significant? This is relevant because Mithotyn are Swedish, and they kick all kinds of ass. (Hey viewers of Sweden, Jag älskar dig)

Mithotyn paved the way for Viking Metal in the 90's and Gathered Around The Oaken Table was the bands last and best release. The album hosts all the beauty's you would expect from Viking Metal; blasting drums, shrieking vocals, mighty choirs, and passages that journey through drunken celebratory post-pillaging gatherings. (accurate album cover)

Ahh, gathered around an oaken table with fellow brothers in arms, drinking mead out of a horn exchanging tales of past journeys, while enjoying the comforts of a fireplace, meat, and a lovely bar maiden. (If she doesn't keep the mead flowing, you can be sure her head will end up at the end of a spear.) Those burly dudes had it right this whole time. Tyck om! (enjoy)

Pillage. Decapitate. Glory.

Saturday, January 22, 2011


Dude, fucking Portal. From Australia comes this band and they play a blend of Death Metal that you probably haven't really heard before. In a genre so vast and often blamed for being watered down, this is a welcome.

They will make you feel uncomfortable through heavily distorted guitars, murky atmosphere, odd structuring, and their overall obscured facade. Vocals are done by "The Curator" and he is the driving force behind the genius through dark menacing gutturals. Obviously fans for the theatrical, they dress up in costume, only adding to the sinister disposition behind the music. The Curator has changed his costume for each record that has been released, and each of them have been fucking brilliant.

Portal won't be news to many of you out there, but for those of you who haven't yet heard, here is Portal, and they will eat you. Every song will make you feel uneasy, learn to like it douche.

Portal - Swarth (2009)
Portal - Outre (2007)
Portal - Seepia (2001)

My grandmothers favorite song:

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Krallice - New song available on stream!

On April 26, something amazing will happen to your ears. Krallice will be releasing Diotima, and it will be great. Trust me, I'm in the know. Listen to "The Clearing", and you will share my knowledge.

(Listen Here)

These guys are brainy. If Beethoven and Einstein were somehow able to have a kid together, that kid would of been Krallice. It's always nice to hear Black Metal go beyond anti-Christianity and Satan worship and delve into something more thought provoking.

Here is the unfinished album cover to be. I'm hoping it will improve beyond that, but hey, I'm a graphic designer cunt.

Dalriada - New Video Online

What is better than a group of gypsy's dancing? How about a bunch of Gypsy's dancing to Folk-Metal in a field while clips of the cheesiest flash video cut in and out.

I probably already made the lot of you flinch with those opening sentences. Me? I'm a fucking fan dude. Personally, I think most, if not 96% of music videos are pretty fucking cheese anyways.
Except this one:

Monday, January 17, 2011

Ceremonial Castings - Barbaric Is The Beast (2006)

Symphonic Black Metal done impeccably well. Even if the word "symphonic" tends to make you flinch because you are a close-minded asshole who thinks he/she is so grim and frostbitten that they are beyond the sound of keys.

Allow me to continue. Furious tremolo picking, blasting drums, with vocals that sound like a wild boar being gutted by a rusty spoon and at other times sound like a satanic séance. The keys provide a layer of ominous atmosphere throughout, BUT what really shines here is the very raw production, giving it a more warm and honest feel to it.


Khuda - Palingenesia (2010)

Oh this? Meet Khuda they are an instrumental post-rock/metal band and they will never quit playing games with your heart. Each song paints a myriad of visuals through hearty textures and dreamy interludes. It's so catchy it should be playing Ultimate Frisbee at the park, but instead they cave your head in with Palingenesia. Fuck, that was stupid.

Here is a better one:

It's good, get it.

fuck your face

Black Sheep Wall - I Am God Songs (2008)

Heavier than an obese Blue whale and more intense than that drill sergeant from "Full Metal Jacket" comes I Am God Songs and it will unscrew your head and shit down your neck.

The tempo is turned down and the ferocity is turned up, way up. The emotion is what shines over the somewhat minimalistic songwriting. Oh right, they are named after a cheat in Starcraft.

I Am God

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Beer Bear - Honey (2010)

Beer Bear. Fucking really? I'd like to think the naming of the band went something like this:

- "Alright, so we all like beer, let's just call the band Beer."
- "No, no. That just won't do, we need another element."
- "Okay, well what about Beer Bear? It sounds cool AND it is only one letter away from being Beer Beer!"
- " sounds like a Korpiklaani song, but let's do it!"

Regardless of how their name was decided, they play some decent Folk Metal. A variety of instruments make their way onto Honey, and it really drives most of the melody. At times the music sounds as deliciously cheesy as the band name/album cover. Lighten up, It's all in good fun.

Beer Worship

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Les Bâtards du Nord - Levons La Corne (2010)

Six drunkards from Quebec, Canada unite to play some traditional Viking/Folk tunes that incorporate an impressive amount of instrumentation. This is the type of music you want to hear if you are drinking in a pub/tavern, well at least I do. Does anybody else give a fuck about heritage and culture anymore?

It sounds like a drunken medieval festival:

The Bastard ones of North

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Impetuous Ritual - Relentless Execution of Ceremonial Excrescence (2009)

With an atmosphere so thick you could cut it with a sacrificial dagger comes Relentless Execution of Ceremonial Excrescence from the lads of Impetuous Ritual. This is a side-project from a couple dudes of Portal and their trademark sound of shear insanity can be found in a washed haze.

Grimier than a pigeon stoop and as bitter as a group of vegans in a butchery, comes this cacophony of Death Metal. The bleak atmosphere will make you want to carve the skin off your chest and turn it into a lampshade to more suitably fit the ambiance.

Skin Lampshades

Whom The Moon Nightsong Sings (2010)

This here is a Neo-Folk compilation album.  with over 100 minutes of dreamy tempos and thickly textured atmosphere. The album fits perfectly with the current weather. (Snow Blizzard)

If I had a fireplace in my house, I would probably throw this shit on, grab a Tolkien book and a cup of tea, and perch my ass on the hearth and read until the CD was over. After that I would go back to my Impetuous Ritual CD, head downstairs to the cellar and finish dismembering a leprechaun I found hiding in my shed. Yeah...that sounds about right.

Any fucking way, don't know what neo-folk is? Hint: It's not Keanu Reeves "larping" in the woods. Here, ill show you:

Yeah, pretty damn rad right? 


Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Defeatist - Sixth Extinction (2010)

Listening to this album is like drinking copious amounts of whiskey with Blanka and challenging him to a match of bare-knuckle boxing. The end result? Pure fucking unadulterated pain with a side order of vomit.

What we have here is some noisy, feral sounding grind from these chaps of New York City. A total of 19 tracks running for 27 minutes. Enjoy it.


Falkenbach - Tiurida (2011)

Great Odin's raven, six years in the making finally comes Tiurida from Falkenbach!

Glory (Fixed Broken Link)

Monday, January 10, 2011

Kvelertak - Kvelertak (2010)

Honestly, I wanted to hate the shit out of this album. Why? Because it was popping up everywhere and everyone seemed so sure that I was going to like it. But I wanted to be all rebellious and fuck you like. Unfortunately the creamy guitar tones, catchy riffs, phenomenal drum sound, and promise of true Viking lore from these Fjord-holes of Norway have lured me in.

Kvelertak refer to their style as necro'n'roll, inspired by Black Metal, Rock and roll and punk, drenched in idiosyncratic sound. It's quite fucking excellent regardless of what naysayers and soothsayers may say, frankly who gives a shit what someone else thinks, only my opinion matters.


Sunday, January 9, 2011

Cebren-Khal - A Mass of Despair (2010)

Cebren-Khal concocts a debut album that is quite interesting and convincing, my ears approve. These folks from France were thinking outside the box, as they nod to more than a couple different styles on this debut album. I will let the tags below tell you what to expect. Laziness? Preposterous! Okay, well maybe. But at least I provide to internet scum across the globe.

While listening to A Mass of Despair there seemed to be a lot of times where the song would really grab my attention and get the voice in my head saying "fuck yeah!". The aforementioned is a good thing. I have actually only listened to this album fully through twice, but oh yeah, I acquired it 2 hours ago. The last song on the CD actually has about 5 plays already, only because I had to keep listening to the last 3 minutes of it. Get it.

Click me. (sorry for calling you scum earlier.)

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Mitochondrion - Parasignosis (2011)

Fucking Mitochondrion, dude. This is so it, I already have chosen my top album for 2011. Since this is a Canadian release, I am going to use the staple of Canadian food, "poutine" to describe the beast.

First you add the base ingredient, which in this case is authentic Blackened Death Metal fries, toss on thick hellish atmospheric cheese curds from the milk of Baphomet, finally topped with molten raw production gravy. The final result, melt in your ears Parasignosis!


Tuesday, January 4, 2011

2010 Rare Essentials for Folk/Viking/Pagan

The results are in, and statistics show most of you are fucking rad! Folk/Viking/Pagan was voted most in the "K fucks, which Genre(s) would you like to see more of?" poll. This means, I will do a list for you fine lads, of the "2010 Rare Essentials" in the genre(s).

I never wrote anything for each album as it would take up to much of the blog space, not to mention, if you like Folk/Viking/Pagan Metal you will or at least should like everyone of these. Click the album titles to download them.

Adorned Brood - Hammerfeste

 Auringon Hauta - Muinaisia muisteloita, noita syntyjä syviä

Bifröest - Heidenmetal

Bran Barr - Sidh

Brotherhood - Bratstvo Hromu

 Galar - Til Alle Heimsens Endar

Gwydion - Horn Triskelion

Heathen Foray - Armored Bards

King of Asgard - Fi'mbulvintr

 Nàttsòl - Stemning

Nordheim - Lost in the North

Northland - Northland

Satanakozel - The Sun of the Dead

Stribog - U Okovima Vjecnosti

Voluspaa - Åsa

Winterfylleth - The Mercian Sphere

Enjoy you ale-swiggin' mongrels!

Monday, January 3, 2011

The Body - All the Waters of the Earth Shall Turn to Blood (2010)

With a tempo that shares the same consistency as molasses, this album is heavier than a sledgehammer and at times sounds downright discomforting. This robust duo from Rhode Island have appeared on stage wearing burlap-sacks and nooses, and you may not be surprised to know that is them on the cover dressed as whatever the fuck that is. This is very daunting and unsettling, kind of like the Portal of Sludge/Drone.

Personally I am all about it. Best enjoyed turned up very loud. Once the volume feels too piercing, leave it, and listen.


Daemonicium - Through Time and Death (2004)

Daemonicium, a Symphonic Black Metal band from Poland with a fan base so small they could be considered a critically endangered species. Though this couldn't be because they are no good, they play some authentic sounding Symphonic Black Metal that I have been enjoying for the passed 4 years.

The bassist died a year prior to this release by an avalanche, which probably only fueled the bands anger and disdain for life. It is guilty of being a little cheesy and over the top, but so are cheese fries. Every instrument is played quite well, but the keyboards and vocals sure stand out in each song.

Youtube will elaborate:


Cormorant - Metazoa (2009)

Look how beautiful that album cover is, I want to eat it. Consumption through the ears will have to suffice. And suffice it does, I bought this album for 6$ at my favorite used CD store in Toronto (Sonic Boom).

When I saw this CD there I definitely yelled something along the lines of "Fucking Right!" and offended some lady behind me combing through the Pop Rock section. Fuck it, if she knew anything she wouldn't be looking through Pop Rock.

Anyways, I have a point. And that point is, Metazoa is the tits! It is a little bit difficult to lump Cormorant into a genre, because they blend so many different styles and constantly change their formula. On Metal Archives they are listed as Progressive Folk/Black Metal, but one listen and you will hear many other influences, and you will love it. If not, your ears aren't working properly.

Part 1
Part 2

Saturday, January 1, 2011

2010 Top 10

(click the album name for download link.)

10. Misery Index - Heirs to Thievery

This album is pissed. Misery Index shit all over your mother with the release of Heirs to Thievery. To elaborate anymore would only insult the integrity of this release. Get it, or forever be a whore.

9. Agalloch - Marrow of the Spirit

It's damn good.

8. Defeated Sanity - Chapters of Repugnance

Defeated Sanity thinks you are a pussy. The winning lottery ticket is called Chapters of Repugnance and it basically man-handled its way onto every top 2010 list.
R.I.P. Wolfgang Teske (September 12, 2010, cancer)

7. Wuthering Heights - Salt

Try to find a worthy review that has anything negative to say about this album. Don't bother, it doesn't exist, and for good fucking reason. This album slays and swabs the deck all in one graceful swipe.

6. The Lord Weird Slough Feg - The Animal Spirits

Catchier than syphilis, The Lord Weird Slough Feg have created an album so groovy it should be wearing bell-bottoms. It may be a bit short, but that is why we have the repeat button. Use it.

5. Blind Guardian - At the Edge of Time

Being a huge Blind Guardian fan, I trembled as I pushed the play button for the very first time. Why you ask? Well, you know when a band you really like releases a new album, and you can't help but worry that they managed to fuck everything up this time? That's why, but 5 minutes in, I let out a huge sigh of relief and quite possibly a loud "Fuck Yeah!" because it was, to my ears.

4. Enslaved - Axioma Ethica Odini

Enslaved, more persistent than a group of Jehovah witness' deliver yet another phenomenal album. They may sound a little less grim at times, but every now and then you got to throw in some clean vocals and melodies for good measure, and apparently Enslaved measured twice, recorded once.

3. Butterfly Temple - Earth

Put it this way, if you don't have it, get it.

2. Orphaned Land - The Never Ending Way of ORwarriOR

Not only did Orphaned Land get 2nd on my top 10, but they also put on one of the best live show's of 2010. Exuberant and full of energy, Orphaned Land managed to turn a Metal show into a goddamn party! Middle Eastern Folk Metal done to perfection.

1. Darkthrone - Circle the Wagons

Fucking Darkthrone, dude. There was never really any doubt that this album would be in my top 3. Fenriz, that crazy fjord-hole managed to pull off another masterpiece. Destroy your modern Metal, and bang your fucking head!